By Emily Sprecher
For the girls loving from a distance...
Maintaining a relationship is hard enough when you have the ability to see each other frequently. Being apart—especially for long periods of time—can seriously test the commitment you have to each other. Every relationship is unique, making it impossible for there to be one simple solution to the challenges you may face together. Even so, I have learned a lot from my own experience in a long-distance relationship that may help others overcome similar situations.
“Communication is real”
You never realize how important communication is to a relationship until you lose the physical aspect of it. In most conversations, at least half of what is being said is nonverbal; we communicate easiest and most often to each other through body language alone. Modern technology such as Snapchat or FaceTime helps us to read expressions on each other’s faces, but rarely do these successfully portray emotions. An irritable look could easily be confused with a tired one if a tapping foot or tense muscles are outside of view. This is where verbal communication is required; it isn’t fair to leave it up to the other person to figure out what you’re feeling when they aren’t given a fair opportunity to do so. If you’re upset about something, talk about it. This adjustment can be extremely difficult if you’re one that has never been good at expressing your feelings, but it is vital to your relationship to try your best.
If it’s meant to be, it will be Work for it
All relationships take work, and lots of it. Long-distance relationships are no different. If you’re a believer in fate then you may give up when things get hard, hoping that you’ll find each other again somewhere down the line for a second try. I understand this mentality, but I also have issues with it. I believe that we build our lives based on our decisions every day, so if you want to be with someone you should hold on through the hard times to enjoy the good. Having said this, sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you no matter how you try to make things work. Sometimes now isn’t the best time for a relationship in one or both of your lives. The decision to fight for what you have or give up is ultimately up to you, but always remember that the fight is for one another and not against.
Accept change
As you continue your lives in two different places, surrounded by different people and experiences, change and growth are inevitable. Change tends to be a scary idea because we’re afraid that with it comes new feelings. Unfortunately this can be true, but it isn’t something to dwell on. If you focus on what could happen as someone is changing in their separate environment, you could unintentionally push them away. Do your best to welcome change in each of your lives and allow one another to grow without fear of growing apart. As long as you continue to communicate and ensure your goals are shared and/or understood, successfully undergoing change can strengthen your relationship rather than harm it.
Stay busy
Finding yourself hovering by the phone isn’t healthy. It’s normal to want to talk to your significant other constantly, but don’t waste your day away waiting for them to call or text back. I’ve struggled a lot with this one, so I fully understand how difficult it can be sometimes. I can promise you that going out and having your own busy day makes you feel much better. If they have the time and are thinking of you too, they’ll be in touch. Your relationship should be important to both of you, but it shouldn’t consume all of your time. Work on balancing time talking to one another with going out and doing things separately. Have your own life, make your own memories. On top of feeling better about yourself, it’ll give you both something to talk about at the end of the day.
You aren’t dating a screen
The longer you’ve been apart, the more relatable this may be. If you’ve ever spent a long period of time apart before reuniting, it’s possible you’ve experienced the strange “getting used to being together” feeling. This is the result of subconsciously forgetting that they are a real, physical person, and not just an image you interact with on your phone every day. It’s a feeling that’s overcome fairly quickly after being together, but it’s also something you should remind yourselves of when you aren’t together: Feelings for a person become more apt to change when you think of them (or they of you) as more of an idea than an actual person. Far easier is it to hurt someone when you can’t feel their tears, and knowing they can’t do anything to stop you from leaving because all it takes is a hit of the “end call” button. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to remember that you’re both real people.
It’s okay to cry
Being away from the one you love hurts. I will never tell anyone not to be sad about missing their significant other, because it’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. You have to be strong, but you don’t always need to be. Sometimes all you can do is break down and cry. When you feel like you’ll never run out of tears, think about all the reasons you’re together. Think about your memories and any plans you may have for the future. If you know when you’ll see them again, focus on that. Above all else, remember that you’re crying because you miss them, because you love them, and that there are far worse reasons you could be crying. The tears will stop flowing eventually, and you’ll be strong once again. Take care of yourself and respect when you need a break.
You aren’t alone
On your worst days you may feel like you have no one to talk to, to adventure with, to be with. It seems like you can’t avoid running into other couples, forcing you to remember that your person can’t be here with you to experience things together like they can. Sure, you may not be together right now, but that doesn’t make you alone. Although the love may be coming from thousands of miles away, it’s still there. There’s still someone out there that loves and cares about you, no matter how far away they are right now. Appreciate the thought that they want to be with you. If that isn’t enough, know that you aren’t alone in this situation. Many people are forced to love from a distance for one reason or another, and we all share the emotions you’re feeling. You aren’t alone, and you never will be.
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